Can't Stay Away
by IchxLiebexBillx
Summary: Instead of completely leaving in New Moon, the Cullens just fade into the shadows, Edward's voice not an illusion but a guardian angel. Would a stronger Bella have survived, how long can you go without your soulmate? How important to humans is love?
1. Chapter 1

**OK so this is my first fan fic. It is a version I came up with starting from when Edward leaves in New Moon. I know that tons of people do this but all are different and have merit and I like my idea so I hope you do too. Instead of completely leaving, the Cullens just fade into the shadows. Edward can't let go of being her protector and the Cullens care about her too much to never see her again. And it's also about a stronger Bella, one who doesn't necessarily fall to pieces right away or let someone have so much power over her willingly destroy her life. She fights, however whether she is successful or not you will have to see and who she chooses, hurts, and befriends along the way. However, how long can one go without their soulmate? How important to humans is love?**

**This fic was inspired by the songs I Can't Stay Away by The Veronicas and Irvine by Kelly Clarkson, but mostly the first so that is where I got the title. Listen to the songs or read the lyrics and you will see how well they will go with my story. Also each chapter has a song that inspired it, if you know or can guess the songs then I will love/respect you forever and you are quite skilled. When the fic is finished I will publish which song went with which chapter just as a bonus to readers. And I know how it will end and what will happen so don't try to suggest endings or anything, I will just need time to fully flesh out the chapters. Hope you enjoy and please review if you have time!**

**And I won't tell you who she ends up with!**

**Chapter 1**

_I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare._

_"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice._

_"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward. (SM pg 72-73 of New Moon)_

*****************

He didn't wait, he disappeared. All I could make out was some leaves rustling as he fled with his inhuman speed. Rather than carry me forward towards where he had disappeared, my legs sank to the ground, my mind racing in a thousand directions yet frozen at the same time_. This can't be happening...Maybe he's...they wouldn't...couldn't...what did I do?...NO!_ The biggest thing in the forefront of my mind was denial and disbelief, I refused to accept that they had really left me. The Cullens were like family to me, they ARE family! Families don't desert each other. I needed to know, needed to find proof he was wrong.

Like in a daze I got up and walked back along the trail towards home, but I wasn't going home, not yet. Still in a zombie-like trance state I got my keys and started my truck. _Haha, zombies._ That thought was quickly blocked out due to pain or tears I knew would follow. As I drove down the familiar road faster than ever before but still abominably slow, I shut down my mind and closed my tear ducts. _There's no point in getting upset, there's no proof they're really gone. They wouldn't hurt me like that, none of them could. Well maybe Rosalie. _

Misty forest started to encroach along the serpentining road, the moment of truth was almost here. I had to remind myself to breathe. _Like when Edward used to..._That though was stopped in it's tracks immediately. After what seemed like days, the faded white house came into view, my spirits starting to lift a tiny bit. The house is still here, and hasn't changed, good sign. But as the car slowed, I noticed I was wrong, it had changed. It was almost too peaceful, like time had stopped. And something seemed less inviting or off, something seemed...missing.

I stepped inside hoping I was just being paranoid, but what I saw confirmed my worst fears. The brightness was gone, the house seemed more open to the point of being empty. The more I walked through the house the more I became painfully aware why. It was missing, every trace of them was missing. Artwork, pieces of furniture, anything that added a personal touch was missing. Carlisle's wooden cross, Edward's beautiful piano, all books from the shelves, all gone. I ran to Edward's room in one last vain attempt, but it was the most painful of all. The only thing left was the couch. His vast shelves of CD's had been emptied, the fabric creating the wonderful acoustics taken off the walls, his stereo gone.

The tears started, like seeing this was the trigger, the final piece of the puzzle, the nail in the coffin of my composure. _Coffin..._My mind shut down in sync with my body as I sank down and curled up on the cold couch. The tears flowing freely and swiftly down my face, my heart breaking. Literally. I never thought it possible but I could feel pieces of my heart falling away, settling at the bottom of my chest stinging like shards of glass. Shards that cut with every movement, every thought, every tear.

"Bella!" a familiar distant voice called. Breaking my trance, I noticed it had become dark outside_. As dark as my future is from now on. I can't believe this happened to me._ This was so unexpectedly dark for me, I didn't even know I was capable of thoughts like these. Taking another look outside I noticed it was a new moon_. Perfect. The cherry on top. When did time start again? How long have I been here?_

"Bella, you here?" a second voice called, again familiar. "Bella!" Jacob! Charlie! _They're out looking for me? How long have I been lying here? _I was vaguely aware of hearing footsteps as the door opened and someone entered the room.

"Bells, oh my god there you are!" _Charlie._ "Never scare me like that again!"

"Bella? What happened, what's wrong?"

"Charlie, Jacob, they're gone. He left me, they all...left me." _Must I have a never-ending supply of tears?_ A set of arms scooped her up, Charlie.

"Let's go home Bells. Don't worry, we got you." At least someone does.

The whole way home I was silent, Jacob sitting beside me with his arm around me in the backseat. Charlie was going to take me to pick up my truck in the morning since I was in no fit state to drive. Although most of the time I was lost in my anguished thoughts, I was occasionally shocked out of them to notice how scared they both looked, how worried and upset they were. With the occasional gleam of anger, that must have been for Edward. _No, I won't let them suffer too. I can't let them see me like this_. I made a decision then and there. _I won't let him hurt anyone else. He may have destroyed me, but I can't let him hurt anyone else I care about. From now on, no one else will see me like this...ok well maybe not yet. But I will find a way to shake this. I won't let them be destroyed too. I can do this._


	2. Chapter 2

**OK so here's chapter 2. I had a bunch more planned working up to the first time she hears Edward's voice. I even planned to have some from his point of view but this one was already becoming long. If you guys think the chapters can be longer let me know because I will definitely make them longer. So I'm still in a slight build-up towards the main events/plot-line so please stick with it because I guarantee an awesome plot and some epic twists. =)**

**Also the short in between bits where it's italics and underlined, it's the gist of her dreams. Rather than go into full detail the audience imagination is always much more creative.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters sadly. I wish I did because the movie cast would have looked different, I have 2 amazingly perfect people in mind!**

Chapter 2

It was amazing how just saying those words felt. I felt slightly stronger, elated, I felt...hope. That is until I realized that it was almost impossible. Who was I kidding? Ed..._he_ wasn't just some typical boyfriend, he was...everything! You can't just pick up where you left off after something that important goes missing. In fact, how can anyone expect you to?

I took another look at Charlie and Jacob out of the corner of my eye. Another time where I am so glad that Charlie isn't the chattiest person in the world. _Mom would be all over me right now, trying to make me feel better and insulting...him...like there's no tomorrow. _I saw Charlie watching me in the rearview mirror and just leaned into Jacob and shut my eyes. I couldn't stand to see that much worry on either of their faces. It was enough to drive all other thoughts from my mind. Also made me realize just how tired I was, and how warm Jacob was...

Next thing I know I'm in my room, on my bed. _I do vaguely remember being carried up here. _I sat up and looked at the clock, 3:13 a.m. _Great, this better not become a regular thing, just what I need, irregular sleep. Maybe if I changed out of these clothes._ Walking over to my closet made me realize just how stiff and uncomfortable my jeans were. I grabbed my pajamas and changed while walking back over to my bed, but tripped over something on the way there. A photo album.

I bent down to pick it up, _do I really have the strength to do this now? Who am I kidding I have to know. _I opened it finding what I expected. Didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The only thing there was my handwriting across the bottom, Edward Cullen. Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th

I didn't know what was worse. My fear being realized or a small bit of hope I didn't know I had left being crushed. I didn't even need to check the CD player to know the lullaby was gone. _There's thorough, then there's plain cruel._ I can't believe he would go to such lengths? Did he really think this would make it any easier? When you're quitting smoking you still get nicotine patches, when you're quitting drugs you get weaned off slowly, how did he think completely cutting me off from him and his family would fare? Part of the whole problem with love is it's an addiction. _Oh my god, am I seriously angry at him? I didn't think I could be! _Problem is that it's so short-lived. The anger faded as soon as it started. _I'm so in love with him I can't even hate him. Then again I predicted this. I always said it was crazy that he ever loved me, did I seriously think that this wouldn't happen? I was the lover and he was the beloved. All the effort and pain was justified by his face, his voice. I was in too deep to get out, I didn't even care to get out! I laid every part of myself open to be hurt when he left. Then again..._

I remembered something then, something from a few months ago. _I still can't believe I did this. _I crawled over to my closet and pulled back all the clothes on the right side. There scratched into the wood was one of my secrets that my mental mute-ness had allowed me to have.

E & B 4ever

was scratched inside a heart on the walls. It was an incredibly small understatement compared to what we used to have, or so I had thought. I'd done that 3 months ago while Edward was hunting. Thanks god I'd acted on that childish whim, _no matter how thorough he was he's never gone now. Now the question is, will I ever want him to be? Funny, vampire venom makes you feel like you're engulfed in flames. Ironic that he finally gave me this feeling, just not how he intended._

This thought was the last coherent one I had. One good thing can be said about my tears, they kept my mind from racing off onto even more dangerous tangents. That was the first of what was probably many nights to come with tears as my new lullaby.

_Come and rescue me, I'm burning can't you see?Only you can set me free._

_As the flames and the volume of my screams climbed higher, he watched and did nothing. The flames felt like caresses in comparison._

_Well that was definitely the worst idea I've ever had. Sleeping in a closet. _I gave my much-needed limbs a stretch and grabbed a set of clothes to change into. I noticed I'd slept in and now only had 20 minutes before school started. _Crap! _I ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth while brushing my hair. No time for breakfast this morning. As I finished up in the bathroom, the glimpse I caught of my face in the mirror made me wish for once I was more skilled with make-up. My eyes looked like I'd had a severe allergic reaction. _Maybe I shouldn't go to school, how will I last the whole day? Well, I have to try, for Charlie. I can always ditch and come home early, or...I don't know but something!_

I raced downstairs and grabbed my keys but still wasn't fast enough for Charlie.

"Whoa, what's the rush Bells?"

"Dad, check the clock. I'm gonna be late!"

"Oh, didn't notice. So you're...going then?" Charlie asked tentatively. _Crap, I really didn't want to deal with this question right now._

"Yes dad, what did you expect?" _Not sure I want to hear the answer._

"Well, I mean, you guys were...and I heard, last night..." _Great, he heard my new method of falling asleep last night. _I could feel my eyes start to well up from Charlie's words. _Even he thought Edward loved me too much to leave...I have to get out of here._

"Never mind, Bells. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Have...fun." The look on his face showing how horrible he felt for making me upset.

"It's fine dad, bye," I said while half out the door. The cab of my truck had never seemed more like a sanctuary. Charlie must have had one of his friends help him drive it back last night. _He's always so considerate. _

The drive to school was just as difficult as driving last night had been. By the time I reached the parking lot I wasn't sure I could make it into the school. So many memories and traces of him that would be inevitable, all guaranteed to happen throughout the day. But then I saw Charlie's face this morning, and Jacob's last night. I had to at least try, I had to attempt to pull myself together...literally. The worst thing about it was that the pain I was causing them should be a fraction of mine, yet judging by the look on their faces it was the same. The person I cared for more than anything in the world had broken me, but if I didn't at least try to carry on I would be doing the same thing to them. I could never inflict this pain I was feeling on others I cared about. That thought carrying me, I stepped out of the car and into the small red building in front of me.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: OK so I realize I haven't updated in actually forever. But it has been an absolutely insane year this past one. On top of learning to deal with an increasing pile of family shit, I have undergone so many medical tests I've become a human pincushion and my doctor's little enigma. We have finally gotten a handle on my conditions so I have time to write again. Thank god because I was going to go insane! Since I couldn't focus long enough to work on this fan-fic (since it deserves the utmost love and attention to detail in my mind), I started blogging but even that has decreased drastically recently while I was in the hospital. **_

_**So I am now back on track and will finish this fic (hopefully starting university in the fall won't get in the way too much =P). Plus I have adopted two fabulous stories/plots from an author by the name of Fairwilloftheangel called Psyche and Beyond Memories. Both twilight of course and once this fic gets more in it's element and more of it's detailed plot and twists are revealed, I will tackle those two and start updating multiple fics at once...hopefully =P **_

_**For those of you who have stuck with me, you're amazing and I love you! As always reviews are always appreciated so don't hesitate. Enjoy!**_

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately to my great despair I don't own anything twilight. =P**

Can't Stay Away-Chapter 3

_Why does this always happen to me? _I've never done anything extraordinary yet I always end up being the center of attention! But this time is definitely the worst because it's all due to him. _Not only does he break my heart, he leaves this all behind for me to deal with._ No, I can't think that way, I have to be positive. Besides, at least some of them are only doing this because they care.

All day the stupid "are you ok?" and "you wanna talk about it?" and "he was a real jerk anyway." Obviously I'm not OK, I'm just a better actress than I thought, and again obviously I don't want to talk about it and he was only trying to protect me! _Yeah that's why he played with your emotions and took them with him when he left. Gah stupid brain just stop already that's not true! _It was almost lunch time and I would definitely need to block out this kind of thinking if I was going to be able to be remotely normal. Because shutting up two voices in your head was normal, who was I kidding? But it also had to be done to make it impossible to deal with Jessica's onslaught of questions which were inevitable. She'd been saving them through class so she could really judge my answers now.

I walked into the cafeteria and sat down and sure enough Jessica and the whole gang just enveloped me as if the invisible wall when Alice and Edward were there had never existed. Jessica sat immediately to my right and Mike to my left. Angela was across from me already giving me an apologetic look. _She knows I'm about to face the Spanish Inquisition. _

"Oh my gosh Bella I can't believe he did this to you!" Jessica started off with. _She has to pretend she truly cares at first. Well she is my friend so she probably does a little._

"What do you mean? Who says I didn't dump him?" My attempt at laughing it off bravado style failed miserably. Jessica just looked at me with this like-I-buy-that-for-a-second look.

"Really Bella?" she started in an almost condescending tone but then realized that it might upset me. Plus she was sounding a little harsh. _Who am I kidding, a little? _"Don't get me wrong, it's just that they all left so I figured he was probably the dumper. Is that why he did it, did they like move or something?" _Now she's getting to the part she wants. _I could start to see the excitement on her face in hopes of a juicy story.

"Yeah, they moved to L.A. and he wasn't a distance relationship type of guy," I said. Technically it wasn't a lie, plus it's the easiest way to explain without details like he didn't want any other less benign vamps to take a bite out of me. _And that you were never good enough to deserve him. No, stop it! _God I'm becoming a schizo! I looked away from Jessica in case my eyes betrayed my thoughts, problem was I looked over at Angela and she's much more observant. She just looked at me with a small understated smile on her face, her eyes saying that she was there for me. She could tell I was in more pain than I let on. _Not that it's that hard to miss, Jessica's just unobservant. But still, I'll have to thank her later. She's always been such a nice friend._

Jessica's face visibly fell. "That's it?" she asked hopefully. I should have known she wouldn't just give up like that.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Well, what did he say? Was he really upset?"

"He didn't say much, it just kind of happened." I couldn't go into details, not here. I knew I was already pushing my luck talking about it like this.

"Lay off, Jess," Mike interrupted and for once I was glad he did. "Bella doesn't want to talk about it. Besides, would you want to give people a play-by-play of a painful break-up?" He glanced over at me giving me this re-assuring look. It was moments like these that made me glad I still had Mike as a friend considering how I treat him sometimes. Let's just hope he doesn't make me eat my words by converting back to retriever form now that I'm single.

"Geez Mike let the girl fight her battles," Jessica said looking down at her food. "If she didn't want to talk about it she'd say so."

"Well, there's not much else to it so can we drop it now?" I asked what I thought was gently but earned an angry and hurt stare from Jess.

"Sure." There was an uncomfortable silence for a while and we all just picked at our food. I had been wrong, even that small conversation about it was painful.

"I'm not that hungry and I have some homework I didn't finish for next period. I'll see you guys later." I couldn't get away from there fast enough, if I walked too fast I'd draw more attention to myself which was definitely not needed right now. When I got outside the cafeteria I found a secluded bench off in the corner and just collapsed onto it. My stuff was everywhere but I could really care less at the moment. Thankfully the weather was even colder than usual so I was the only one outside. The tears just came and I had no control over them, which happened way too much lately but I'd given up fighting them. That one question of Jessica's had got to me, "was he really upset?" Because the answer was no. He nonchalantly tore my heart to pieces leaving them to tear at me from the inside. According to him he had gotten tired of me anyway, never really loved me. It was getting harder and harder to tell myself different. _But everyone else was surprised too, so he had to be lying. If it was true people wouldn't be as shocked he left me. Then again he's had decades of practice lying and hiding things. _The tears came faster now. Whether things like these were true or not, I couldn't let myself think them. I won't give my friends or Charlie reason to worry, I can't hurt anyone else, _except myself. _I made a conscious effort to stop crying since lunch would end soon.

I heard a noise from behind me snapping me out of my depressive thoughts. I turned around wiping my eyes and thought I saw a person's silhouette moving in the trees. I rubbed my eyes and checked again but this time it had disappeared. But whatever it was had brought my attention to how long I'd been out here. How could I have already missed almost all of next period? Then again, it was biology, so it was probably for the best today. As I turned around to walk back into the building, I thought I saw a sparkle out of the corner of my eye. _Stupid tears, if they start giving me hallucinations then I'll actually have a mental break-down. _Out of my better judgement I turned around one last time, but there was still nothing there. I'm not quite sure what I was even looking for. Then the bell rang signaling the end of the period. _One more to go before I can safely go home and be alone. _

As I walked into english class, I stopped suddenly in the doorway. I didn't want to sit in my normal seat since it's secluded in the back, but the only other option was sandwiched between the window and Jessica. Without Mike or Angela here I wasn't sure I could stop her from another attempt at interrogating me. After debating it back and forth, I guess dealing with Jessica was better than dealing with my thoughts alone.

I walked over and sat next to her and she gave me an apologetic smile. _Maybe she feels sorry. _

"Look Bella, I'm sorry about lunch. I should have been more...respectful I guess." _Hey, I was right._

"It's OK, I'd be curious too."

"Look, I want to make it up to you, plus it's been forever since we really hung out. Wanna go see a movie tonight or something? My treat! Besides, I doubt you want to spend a whole ton of time alone right now. Unless you do cause then, that's cool...I guess."

_She seems to be really trying. But it might just be another attempt to barrage me with questions. Just in case I'll give myself some time to fortify. _"Well I have a bunch of homework tonight, but how about this weekend? Definitely don't want to spend that alone." I didn't realize the truth of my words until I'd said them out loud.

"Ok, great. You can pick whatever you want to see. I'll stop by around 5?"

"Ok, see you this weekend then." Then I noticed our teacher glaring at us and it quickly ended any further conversation.

On the drive home from school, I realized how good this could be. Charlie definitely heard me in my closet last night and probably will continue to hear and worry about me. Getting out of the house with friends will help reassure him I'm fine. _Even if it's a lie. _

Sure enough I was right on both counts. Charlie was ecstatic I was out and avoiding becoming a lonely shut-in. And by the weekend I had cried to the extent I could only dry sob. I needed a distraction in any form. Thankfully there was a safe horror movie about zombies Jess and I picked out. Well, mostly I picked it. I hadn't thought to check beforehand if there were any alternatives to sappy romance movies or anything involving happy endings, or...vampires.

Jessica obviously hadn't found the movie as appealing. She looked visibly shaken as we were walking out of the theatre.

"How could you pick such a freaky movie?" she finally asked me after walking for a while in silence.

"I didn't think it was that bad. A little bloody, maybe."

"You need a way more normal reaction to monsters," was her only reply. _That would have been good advice before._

"Wanna quickly get something to eat before we go home maybe? Settle your stomach a little bit?"

"Sure. I see a McDonalds up ahead." Jess was finally starting to look less nervous as we walked over towards the golden arches in the distance. We made a few more jokes about the bad effects and she had been starting to relax, when suddenly her body tensed all over again.

"Jess, did the movie freak you out that much?"

"No. Let's just...get that cheeseburger, I'm starving." She fixed her eyes straight ahead and picked up her pace a little bit. _What has gotten into her? _Then I heard it, some whistling and catcalling in the background.

I looked across the street to the only other business open on the street, it was a bar or club of some sort. There were 4 guys standing out front looking in our direction. _They must be the source of the noise._ After a few more discreet glances I could see why the might make Jess nervous. They weren't hiding their interest towards us, and they didn't look like the nicest guys.

Yet even that realization didn't stop me from coming to a complete halt in the middle of the street to stare at them. I was having this insane deja vu but it made no sense. I didn't live in Port Angeles so I couldn't possibly have run into them before, and by the looks of it there was no way in hell I would ever want to. Yet something about them was horrifically familiar.

Then it hit me, I had run into them the one time I had been in Port Angeles before, and I'd pointedly avoided the city for a while because of them. Maybe not these specific individuals, but their type. The timing and scene before was so similar it gave me goosebumps.

Jess had finally noticed my transformation into a statue. "Bella?" she whispered. "What are you doing?"

The words came out of my mouth before I could edit them, "I think I know them." Now, a normal person probably would have had Jessica eating their dust from their speedy exit. But since when have I ever been normal? Still in some sort of daze, I stepped further into the street and started walking towards them. Maybe I had tried so hard to suppress this memory it had worked and I couldn't muster the appropriate level of horror or the proper protection instincts. Even being in the same city with the same friend, dark alleys and everything hadn't seemed to sink in yet. In a delayed reaction my legs started to tense thinking they should stand their ground, or even better run. _At least some part of my anatomy is working correctly. Too bad my brain isn't connected._

As I got closer to them I could see I had caught their attention, probably not in a good way. Yet something was drawing me forward and I couldn't resist. My adrenaline was pumping from the possibility of, no, the likelihood, of danger.

Apparently Jess felt it too "Bella, come _on!_"

Although it would cost me later, I ignored her. I continued to advance without having to make any conscious decisions or efforts. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't achieved this strong of an emotion in any way shape or form since..._he _left. Even in public I could feel the familiar sting behind my eyes approaching. Or maybe because there was nothing left to fear, what can anyone do to an empty shell? You can't truly hurt someone devoid of emotions can you?

Jess's voice had become like a nagging conscience in the back of my brain. "Bella! You can't go into a bar!" Huh, so that's where I was heading. The destination no longer truly mattered. As long as I was feeling something, I had to see where it would lead me.

One thought kept poking at the back of my brain trying to surface, and it did despite my hardest efforts. Maybe you're doing this in a last-ditch attempt he will protect you like he always did.

Of course that was completely ridiculous. I must be becoming a glutton for punishment or something. I seem to enjoy this tearing sensation in the depths of my soul every time thoughts or memories of him escaped. Now that the floodgates had opened, I recalled my promise to him not to do anything stupid. If he could see me now...well then my wildest hopes might not be so wild. Things could maybe...

"Bella, stop this right now!"

Everything locked. Not just my muscles, my brain, my lungs, heart, everything. Jess's voice didn't have the power to do that. "Edward..." his name barely escaped my lips. There was no mistaking that voice, the smooth velvet quality, how it could sound beautiful even when furious.

Everything I had been thinking was right. This was why I was currently standing in the street walking towards potential psychopaths. The adrenaline, emptiness, everything. Most importantly, having him protect me. His voice was the only thing to pull me out of my reverie and stop my legs from moving. I was always powerless under his control.

"Go back to Jessica," the lovely but angry voice instructed. "You promised - nothing stupid."

Talk about strong emotions. Just these snippets, memories of his voice, had me soaring. I hadn't felt anything close to this for weeks. Who was I kidding, I hadn't felt anything miles away from this for weeks. I didn't feel empty for a second, my surroundings held interest, I wasn't huddled into myself hiding from my own thoughts.

Wait a second, I wasn't a teary mess on the ground. How is that possible? Yesterday I couldn't bear thoughts of him, but now his voice made me feel like I could fly. The only thing that I could compare this feeling to was...being with him.

That had to be it! That had to be the different factor. I spun wildly looking for him. He had to be here. He must be protecting me, I should have known. But, I didn't see him. _I could have sworn..._

He was back before I had time to properly doubt myself, "Keep your promise." Goosebumps erupted on my neck from the quick burst of wind over my shoulder. Or maybe it was just the exhilaration of hearing his voice again.

I spun around one more time, but of course I wasn't fast enough. No matter how insane it was, I couldn't shake the feeling that he was, or had been, there. Right behind me. Close enough to touch. Just the thought of being that close to him again had me weak in the knees in a good way. _That had to be his breath I felt on my neck. It had to. His voice was too perfect for me to have imagined it. _Or was it? I noticed in my frantic searching Jess had left. She must have gone to the McDonalds without me. I could see why, to her I must look completely crazy.

I took the walk back to McDonalds to consider my options and try to be rational for a second. What if this was just wish fulfillment? Or maybe I was going crazy like it seemed to everyone. Maybe I was just fooling myself and I had finally lost it. No, that couldn't be it. Thinking like that would ensure I truly did go crazy. It was different this time, I knew it. I felt it with everything I had, which admittedly wasn't much anymore but it was enough to be sure. This time _was _different, I'm not a blathering mess, I am forming coherent thoughts. Most of all, I feel...hope. Or something like it.

I couldn't help but voice my newfound will, maybe it was in hopes that he heard. "Edward, if you're there, and I strongly believe that you are, or were, anyways...I'll catch you."

_Shit that was close. If I'm actually going to do this, I'm going to need some practice._

**I think you all have an idea of what is in store. Again, reviews make my weaker heart soar =P**


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